The Birthday Blessing Review and GIVEAWAY! {Ended}

***The winner of the giveaway is Sharon Westphal!
Sharon, please respond to the email that we sent to you and we'll make sure you get your package right away!  CONGRATS!


I am beyond excited to write this review!!!

And even more excited that one of my readers will be able to have one of these at home as well!

Several weeks ago,  I was introduced (online) to The Birthday Blessing sisters through a blogger Facebook Group!. These ladies have created something so special for parents and their children.  In this "digital" age, they wanted to be able to put something in the hands of their children that embodied their love for them.

So what is The Birthday Blessing?

Well, it's a journal and a wooden birthday cake that can be purchased together or separately.  They were gracious enough to send me the package so I could do a full review!

 

The concept is that every year, during the 7 days leading up to your child's birthday, you take special time out of your day to sit with the family and have purposeful discussion about the importance of your child in the family's life!  Each day, leading up to their birthday, there are written devotionals to read with the family and thoughtful questions that will prompt you all to think about God's provisions, His promises, and His work in your child's life!  

There are sections that allow your child to write their name, what they want to be when they grow up, and more milestones for mom and dad to fill in.

It even instructs you to request a family member or friend to write a special letter to your child during the week so that you can read it to them 2 days before their birthday! There is a spot in the journal to then paste the letter as a keepsake.

There is room in the journal to share this tradition every year until your child is 18! Then, when they leave home, they have this beautiful journal to keep and read and share with THEIR children someday! It really is precious...I can't wait to fill this up!

The package also comes with a cute shabby chic "birthday cake."
The idea is to use this as a centerpiece in your home so that the whole family is reminded that it's BIRTHDAY WEEK for someone! It's a visual reminder that the week is dedicated to celebrating the child who is turning another year older.

I know in our family, we have tried to do something special with each child on their actual birthday without the other kids....just to take some special time with them alone. And then there's usually a birthday party sometime close to that as well.  

This is much different than that, but a really sweet compliment to any other festivities we might be having.  

More than just a celebration, it's a time of encouraging, affirming our love for, and lifting up our child.  I feel like this concept can easily get lost in today's busy world!  This is intended to be a blessing to our kids as we intentionally plan for this time to show them how special they are to us and how God has created them in a special, unique way to live for His glory.

Sadly, we didn't know about this before our kids' actual birthdays!  I wish we knew when Joy was a baby!  But Jackson just turned 1 in March, so we started this journal for him.  We do intend to purchase 3 more for the girls and Tobi though!

I want to do this for all my kids!

We will cherish this for years to come as our children grow and I can't wait to look back at years prior to see God's faithfulness in the lives of our kids and our entire family.

I HIGHLY recommend this to my fellow moms and dads!!!
Even for those of us who are adoptive parents...imagine how much this will change each year as our kids come home, as they learn new languages, connect and bond with their siblings, etc!  I can't wait to start Tobi's when he gets home!!

Please visit TheBirthdayBlessing.com to see their creative and thoughtful product.  I would consider giving this for a 1st birthday gift (because we know many gifts for 1 year olds are really for the parents;)  It makes a GREAT baby shower gift as well!!!

Now, I DO have the opportunity to help one of my readers take this home!!! 
There are a number of ways that you can enter using the giveaway tool below.  Please share this blog post on Facebook or Twitter to spread awareness about this special product as well as to let your friends know about the chance of winning a FREE one!

The giveaway starts now and will close on August 7th and the winner will be announced at the top of this blog post.  I will share the post on Facebook as soon as we have a winner as well!

I will collect the winner's information and your Birthday Blessing package will be shipped directly from the company!

Topical Steroid Withdrawal - 6 Months In

So here we are at half of a year.
Honestly, I totally thought that Noelle would be done with this by now, but sadly she is not.

Read how she was doing at month 5 here.

This month, there has not been much change, honestly.
Here is how her skin is.

 Her legs are about the same as last month.
We actually did see some significant improvement, and then she got a hold of her shins without her gloves on and went to town scratching.

That day and night her legs were wet with ooze.  It sounds so gross, but for those going through TSW, it's a common term!

The texture of her shins and calves is still extremely thick and rough.  Praying they get better soon.

Her ankles and feet continue to be red, irritated and flaky.  I've noticed the past few days that her ankles are actually swollen as well.

Noelle's thighs are still red, but not too bothersome.  Sometimes they look really dry and I think that the skin will flake off, but it hasn't yet!

Her tummy is not bad, it goes back and forth.  For Noelle, her back, stomach, and arms have been through a long cycle already.  

It seems like those parts of her body cycle much quicker now.  (When I say "cycle" I mean the skin goes from red, to bumpy, to flaky, to clear and then back again)

So while right now, she's got some bumps and redness on her stomach, I doubt it will be there long.  It comes and goes.

Her back is the same as last month as well.  It really isn't bad, however it does seem to bother her a lot.  It's dry, but only gets red when she scratches it...which is frequently :/

Noelle's neck is still pretty itchy lately, but doesn't look bad at all!  It remains dry and a little red.  Sometimes it flakes, but it hasn't actually looked clear so far this month.

Her arms are so fickle.

Right now up by her shoulders is dry and crusty....meaning there are bumps on the skin that aren't red...just...I don't know, crusty!  It's getting hard to find different words to describe her skin!!

Her elbow creases are not severe at all, they just remain dry, but not cracking.

Same with her wrists...now if she starts itching her wrists, they very quickly become inflamed and red, bumpy, and can even develop hives!  They seem to be very sensitive, but also heal back up pretty quick.  ***Case in point, I took these pictures the day after typing that.  Her arms are already red again!

TSW has just recently started to really affect her face.  Last month her mouth was all red and flaky and the creases in her mouth were cracked.
 

Happy little face :)

Just recently I noticed that the cracks had healed up!  The redness is gone, but her entire face is very very dry.  Sometimes it gets red and we'll see some little bumps.

But if she rubs her face at night with her gloves, that skin will flake off and she'll have much smoother skin in the morning!  

So overall, her upper body is doing much better than her lower body.  And it used to be the opposite!
 
We still aren't applying creams or lotions unless she asks for them.

The stress of applying something to help her skin actually does more damage as stress inevitably causes her to flare.

However, we did just get Young Living's Tender Tush and we're trying that in one spot on her leg to see if it helps it heal any quicker.  We shall see!

She's also still taking frequent baths with

• apple cider vinegar
• dead sea or epsom salts
• baking soda
• and Young Living Essential Oils - usually Lavender or Melaleuca

However, we will be experimenting this week.  I have noticed that she is super duper itchy the nights that she has a bath.  I don't know if it's one of the ingredients or what, but we'll be trying to pinpoint what it is that irritates her!

A few weeks ago, she went to her holistic pediatrician and he requested that she get an allergy test.

That was NOT pleasant.

It was a blood test, which I was much more willing to do, as I won't let anyone touch her skin with allergens.

But let me tell you.  The kid is strong.  It was so difficult for me and the two ladies helping to keep her still enough to draw the blood.

But the results were pretty interesting.

Her doctor told us that the tests are rarely 100% accurate.  But we want to remove anything that could possibly be making her condition worse than it already is.

Also, her immune system is obviously compromised.  That's pretty common after prolonged topical steroid use.

So her immune system is over compensating and responding like crazy to stuff!

For each allergen, the normal range is between 0 and .35

Here are her results:

• Wheat -      2.65
• Corn -       4.38
• Oat -        7.63
• Egg Whites - 8.27
• Soybean -    13.9 
• Cow's milk - 31.20
• Peanuts -    54.50
•  

So, she's showing some allergies to ALL of them, but she is highly allergic to peanuts and cow's milk.

Thankfully, the only foods that are currently in her diet on that list are oats, egg whites, and peanuts.

So we're obviously removing those from her diet as of NOW.

We shall see if there is any improvement with that change...I sure hope there is!!!

It's really interesting because two nights last week were a NIGHTMARE.  Literally the WORST two nights she has ever had.  We could not get her to sleep.  She was awake both nights from about 1:00a.m. - 5/6:00a.m.!

It was so bad.

And now that we have the test results, we realize that she had a couple pb&j sandwiches last week!  And she hadn't had peanut butter for a while before that!

So we're hoping that was the culprit and that things will get a little better.  Since then she's had a good night, and a difficult one...but nothing like those other two!

Here's to hoping we see some changes this next month!
 

Why not Buy American?

Buy American!

You've heard that term right??

"Let's support our local economy!"

"Why purchase from overseas when you can purchase from the "mom and pop" down the street?"

These are valid statements and questions....when you're talking about purchases.

These, however are NOT valid when talking about a child.  A person.  A human.  A soul.

When our story was aired last Thursday on Fox40 (you can see it here), we saw some feedback that was mostly negative, and mostly ignorant.

The story was also posted on Aol, Yahoo, One News Page, and a few others, as well as Fox 40's Facebook page.  (Read about the rest of our crazy week of outreach to our elected officials here)

On some of these sites, we read some very disheartening comments regarding our adoption.

Here are some that we saw:

• "Sad they had to go so far to find a child to adopt"

• "Umm ok? what about the millions of kids here that need homes??"

• "So sad. What about American babies right in your backyard without food,homes, and families?"

• "The reason adoptions have stopped in the Congo is because of the increase in baby trafficking. Babies are being stolen from mothers, and mothers are being coerced into relinquishing these "valuable" babies. These adoptions need to stop-there should not be a financial profit in adoption. No one is entitled to a baby."

• "yes it does matter where the child is from we need to take care of our own FIRST before trying to rescue the whole world"

• "Awwwww get over it adopt american children... amercia has thousands of children looking for forever homes. I wish the american govt. Would halt all all forigen adoptions until all american children have forever homes first."

• "Isn't there enough American babies who need adoption? God Bless all the children but, give me a bleeding heart break."

But my all time favorite is:

• "Buy American"

Now, we definitely saw more compassionate remarks as well, but not nearly as many.

I was not prepared for comments like this.
I wasn't prepared for the ignorance that people have when commenting on something so sensitive and so personal to us.

However, we understand that we allowed our story to be told on a public level and that it is open for anyone to have an opinion about it.


After reading their comments, I immediately felt so defensive!!!
I wanted to fully EDUCATE them as to why they are dead wrong!

But my husband reminded me that I can't respond to that stuff.

We are to be the example here.  We aren't here to argue.
What it comes down to with these people is this:

• They do not view these children as people.

• They do not see an adopted child as having the same rights a biological child has.

• They do not see Congolese children as having the same human rights as American children.

• They obviously view American children as being far superior to the Congolese.

• They clearly have NO IDEA what the conditions are like for orphans in Congo.

However, I'd like to take a moment to give some information in case there are any of you that still don't understand why we aren't adopting domestically.

I honestly understand inquiring minds.
I understand if you have questions.
I'll do my best to answer them!

Just don't attack my family!

K?  

:)

#1:  We did not set out to adopt from Congo
We see NOTHING wrong with that, however.

When we started our adoption journey (wrote a post about it here), we were overwhelmed with the options.

We knew that adoption was GOOD regardless of where the child was from.  This left us with a hard decision...if we felt every single child needed parents, then how to we choose where to adopt from?

Well, thankfully God made that decision for us.  We realized that a friend of ours co-founded Compassion for Congo and we already knew someone else who adopted from their orphanage in Congo!

It was an open door, and we walked through, never looking back.

#2: Children are desperate in Congo.
In Congo, only about half of ALL children live until the age of 5.  Those are not good odds.

It is the poorest country in the world.

Parents cannot afford to feed themselves, much less their children.

Sometimes family members will take turns skipping meals, even for days, so that others can eat.

There is literally an endless supply of abandoned children and parents that are willing to abandon their children.

You can see them on the streets every day all over the country.

And parents who love their children will many times offer them up to be adopted, knowing they will die if they stay.

#3: Witchcraft is rampant
In Congo, many children are injured (burned, cut, whipped) because their parents believe they are evil.  Many children are believed to be, even at very young ages, to be sorcerers, witches, or demon possessed. 

You can read an example here.  Please be advised, it is graphic, and disturbing...but this little girl's reality.

They use different deplorable actions to get rid of the "evil" that lives inside these poor kids. This results in children being abandoned, left for dead, or killed.

This is fairly common.  

Satan is able to live in the country without disguise.

#4: There is no "system" to help them.
Didier himself (pastor who runs the orphanage) told us when he visited last year that adoption is not common among the Congolese people.

If a child is adopted, they most likely become more of a servant than a member of the family.

When there are children walking the streets, starving and ill-stricken, they aren't generally looked upon with compassion like they would be here in the U.S.

Their general view of children and orphans is just different.

Although the government does extend a love for their people and a desire to see them thrive, it seems the resources are not present.

#5: An orphan needs parents.
An orphan=ANY child without a guardian...regardless of where they are born.

How on EARTH can we value one person's life over another based on their birthplace????

So, my sister in law was born in Mexico.  That means she is not as entitled to having loving parents like we Americans are???

How can we be so bold and arrogant as to say that?

It literally DUMBFOUNDS me.  

A child is a child, is a child, is a child.  
Period.

We are NOT talking politics!  This is not about getting a valid driver's license, or health insurance, or state funding.

I would NEVER tell someone that adopting from Congo is "better" or "more important" than adopting from ANYWHERE else!

Every single child needs saving.  

Some countries definitely have more deplorable conditions for their orphans, but we can't put more value on any one person's life than another's.

Am I making sense?

And Lastly,

#6: An orphan became our son in a split second.
The moment we saw Tobi's picture for the first time, he was our son.

There was no paperwork completed yet, nothing was official, but he was ours.

As adoptive parents, we don't view our adopted children any differently than our biological children.

So when someone says, "adopt another one", that is not even an option.

We can't replace a child, and any parent who has lost a child of their own can attest to that.

Can we have more?  Perhaps.  But there is no replacement.

Can I go out and buy another car when ours is totaled?  Yes.  

It's a purchase.

We don't purchase our children.

We labor for them, work for them, and they come at a cost just like our biological children.

They are not returnable, exchangeable, or replaceable.

Because they are people.

Not items, not statistics, not facts, not stories. 

They are our children.

Please do not view them as anything else.

******Any comments that are not genuine or seem to be from "trolls" will be immediately deleted.  I am choosing not to harbor debate and arguments here.  This is a family blog and is not intended to be controversial

 

Addressing the HEART of a Child

So, in regards to parenting issues, I blog/share what I am passionate about.

This doesn't mean that I have mastered the issues I address.  

It doesn't mean that I no longer have to work hard at what I write about.

Quite the opposite.

It means that it is something my husband and I feel very strongly about and strive to improve on every day!  

I'd like to share one of those issues with you.

And that is addressing the heart of our children.

It is really much easier to simply address the behavioral conduct of our kids that needs to be improved. 

It is much harder to stop and take the time to surface the deeper concerns.

I have read Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart and really love his suggestions in regard to this.

I won't list all the points in the book, but I'll share a little bit of how we try to apply them in our home.

Our girls are SO different from one another.  

Joy, our 5 year old is super outgoing socially, LOVES to learn anything new, enjoys excitement, spontaneity and taking risks, . 

Noelle, almost 3 is quite the opposite.  She is much more reserved with people she doesn't know, or even with people she knows very well!  If the timing and context isn't right, social interaction takes alot of warmup for her.  She does love to learn like her sister, but wants to know all the details before trying out something new!  She doesn't like risks and being spontaneous is NOT a strong suit of hers.  She is, however very loving.  Very nurturing and loves to be cuddled.

So as they've started to get older, we've really come to see how differently they need to be addressed with certain issues!

Here's the situation that prompted this post.

Sunday morning we were getting ready for church (many times this is a stressful day for us if Chris leaves for church much earlier than us!).

So Noelle was getting her socks and shoes on in her room and Joy was in my room.  We have a 2-way baby monitor so we can speak to the girls in their room...and Joy had an idea.  

Joy loves a good scare.  She gets a kick out of being scared (as long as it's not in the dark) and loves to play jokes on others as well.

Noelle...not so much.

So Joy took the monitor and in a super scary voice (really...it was scary) said,

"Noeeeeeelllle I am coming to GET YOU!!!"

While this actually was pretty funny to me, Noelle was NOT amused.

She cried and was frightened even though she knew who was on the other end of the monitor.

This led to a talk between me and Joy.

I could have just said something addressing her behavior alone like:

"Joy, that wasn't nice.  We don't scare people, go say you're sorry."

But I tried taking a slower approach and our conversation went something along these lines.

I asked her about what Noelle likes and what Noelle doesn't like.

I asked her what she enjoys and how much she likes being spooked and playing jokes on others.

So it's ok to enjoy that, but if we're thinking of OTHERS more than we're thinking of ourselves, what would we choose to do?

This was actually broken down much more in our actual conversation, but her answer was that if she was thinking of Noelle instead of herself, then she wouldn't have scared her because she knows she doesn't like it.

Then, without me mentioning it, she said:

"I should go say sorry to her!"

She went on her own and I listened to her apologize to Noelle for scaring her and promise that she won't do it again.

Not a big deal, right?

Well, that morning it was a big deal to me.  I saw how choosing MY words carefully leads to giving Joy a better understanding of what her actions mean, why she made that decision, and more importantly, WHY her choice was a poor one.

I saw her precious response in willfully apologizing.

That conversation has been rolling around in my head the last couple days.  I need to make sure I have these type of conversations MORE often!

It take extra time, extra effort, and it isn't always easy to find the right questions to prompt our children to answer rightly and thoughtfully.

But we've seen that it is SO worth it!

My husband is always reminding me that the GOSPEL must be seen and spoken in our home, especially when we are correcting and disciplining our kids.

When we address the HEART of our children, they learn to address the heart of others!

If you haven't really put an emphasis on this in your parenting, I urge you to!  If you have the desire to, but don't always know where to start, read Shepherding a Child's Heart!

But here are just a few examples of how we try to talk with our girls.

*Noelle hits Joy (doesn't even matter why)

Poor response by me: 
"Noelle!  That is so mean!  Say you're sorry!"

Better response: 
"Noelley, WHY would you do that to sissy?  Don't you love her?  You need to go apologize and don't do it again."

Deeper response:
"Noelle, who made Joy?" (God)
"And who made you?" (God) 
"And who made those precious hands of yours?" (God did)  
"Does God love Joy?  Does God love you?" (yes) "Does God want to hurt Joy?" (No)
"Then should YOU hurt Joy with the hands God made for you?" (No)
"What does He want you to do with your hands instead?"  (Be nice)
"Yes, but more importantly, He wants you to glorify Him with your hands.  What are some ways we can do that?" (hug sissy, help sissy, give her a high-5)
"Yup.  I think that would make Jesus very happy if you chose to love sissy using your hands instead of hit her with them."
"What do you think you should do?" (say sorry)

Noelle answered the questions.  And we've had this exact conversation more than once!  She turns 3 next month, so you don't have to have an older child in order to address their precious little hearts.

That conversation does take significantly longer than a quick response.  But you end with no anger, no resentment, you are both on the same page and your child is ready to say sorry and BE sorry without you asking them to do it....they know they need to.

Or here's something we discuss quite a bit with Joy.

*I ask Joy to sit in her seat until dinner is over.  She continues to disobey...again.

I say, "Ok Joy, go in your room while we finish dinner.  You've chosen not to obey Mommy the first time."

Joy then proceeds to argue, cry, then stomp off to her room...but first...she turns around and sticks her tongue out. (that one has only happened once!)

Daddy sees that one and he goes in for the convo (and a consequence).

Poor response by Chris: 
"Joy, you didn't obey.  Now you don't get any dinner, we'll come get you when we're done."

Better response: 
"Joy that wasn't kind of you to stick your tongue out was it?  You need to go say sorry to mommy for being disrespectful."

Deeper response: 
"Joyful, what did mommy ask you to do?" (stay in my chair)
"And did you obey her?" (no)
"Was that honoring your mother and father like God tells us to in the 5th commandment?" (no)
"Then when mommy asked you to go to your room, did you go with a good attitude?" (no) 
"What did you do?" (stuck my tongue out at her) - she's most definitely crying by now, she's very sensitive to this stuff!
"So what that honoring mommy?" (no)
"How could you have honored mommy?" (obeyed her by going to my room quietly)
"Joy, who made you?" (God did)
"And who did He give you to take care of you?" (mommy and daddy)
"And how does God want you to treat mommy and daddy?" (He wants me to honor and respect you)
"Right.  And how do you think God feels when He sees you treat mommy like that?" (sad...)   still in tears
"Yup.  What do you think we should do?" (say sorry to mommy)
"For what?" (for disobeying her and being disrespectful)
"Yup.  And what does God do when we sin?" (He forgives us)
"Why?" (Because Jesus died for them) 
"That's right.  And because of that, we can forgive you too."
"Can we do better now?" (yes, daddy)

Our talks with Joy always last longer than they do with Noelle.  She's 5 and she's a very deep 5 year old.  She hurts deeply when she does something wrong or when someone else wrongs her.

Now that did take a while....it took my husband leaving the dinner table in order to instruct our daughter.  It would have been MUCH easier and convenient for us to say something quick and sharp in order to get Joy to obey.  And sometimes that happens in our home.  We are working against that.

But there is such joy in seeing our children understand the deeper things of life.

*That being nice isn't enough!
*That we need to look to the example of our Savior!
*That we need to put others first like HE DID!
*That we need to think about how our actions and words affect others.
*That we are sinners.
*That we NEED a Savior.
*And that we are forgiven by Him because of Christ's sacrifice.

And we take opportunities to show them that WE need a Savior too!

Mom and dad are NOT perfect and we sin!

We request help from The Lord and we confess our sin to the kids when it is against them.

Chris and I have so many things that we want for our kids.  But above all, we desire their hearts to desire The Lord.

We are daily learning how to parent.  And daily learning how NOT to parent!

Praise The Lord for His guidance and His Gospel of forgiveness!

So, we don't model this perfectly.  We strive to do better everyday though.

And I challenge you to do the same if you haven't started addressing your children's heart.

It is so rewarding!

Man, isn't parenting so much more complicated and difficult than "having a baby"?  

It is.  

But it is the BEST complicated, difficult, frustrating, precious, beautiful, rewarding job there is!