Movie Night!

So, I am NOT one to typically break the rules.
As my best friend can attest to, I never have been!
That has rolled into parenthood for me. When we find what works for us, we stick with it for the most part.
Our kids thrive off routine, so I'm doing my best to keep a daily schedule for us.

Chris will frequently find me "Googling" toddler/baby related questions  to see if it's" OK."

Like...

"Is it OK to give a toddler molasses?"

Or

"Can you give a toddler Benadryl in combo with Zyrtec?"

Or

"What is safe to give a child with a tummy ache?"

Or

"Can you take Sudafed while breastfeeding?"

I like to know what the rules are!
And I rarely break them!

Chris and I greatly cherish our alone time once the kids are in bed and we also really prefer their well rested temperaments over their overtired ones.
So...
We have pretty strict bedtime routines that we don't really stray from often.

BUT we made an exception this week.

If you haven't done this with your kids yet, you need to!

I was tucking the girls in, we had already brushed teeth, read books, sang, prayed and were saying goodnight when Chris came in and we both surprised them with MOVIE NIGHT!

Instead of laying their heads down, they got to jump out of bed and come to the living room with us. Chris had already got a bed of blankets out on the floor for them and Peter Pan cued up.

He got them hot chocolate and a cookie to snack on and Joy was just beside herself! She couldn't stop talking about what a great surprise it was!
After their snack, they cuddled with daddy to finish the movie.

***I am 100% aware that the pictures on this blog, taken with my or my husband's smartphone do NOT meet current blogging photo quality standards :)***

As we've seen our girls start to mature so quickly into tiny little ladies (especially Joy), we've been trying to be more purposeful in having frequent "special" times with them. Something so small can seem so large to them!
Especially with Jackson around who can tend to steal all the attention with his cuteness....and the fact that I have to feed him every 3 1/2-4 hours!

Well this was a very special night for them. After I fed the baby and put him to bed, mom and dad's attention was all on them for their movie night. It was fun for us (I never tire of watching Disney movies) and because we're such sticklers with their schedule, the girls knew this was a big deal!

We did warn them that it was straight to bed when the movie ended, and Noelle was pretty tired anyway....so was Joy....but that child almost NEVER admits she's tired.  Even when she's falling asleep :)  (You can see a video of it on Facebook here.  You have to be my "friend" to watch it though)

So we made a memory this week with our movie night.

We'll do it again in a few months....Joy right away asked if we could do it again the following night! Haha

But we loved it so much, I just had to share and encourage other parents to schedule a surprise movie night with the kids sometime!

They won't forget it and neither will you!

Why we won't be watching Princess Movies Anymore

So, up to this point I have mainly kept the posts on our blog to adoption related posts.
But I titled the blog "It's a mom life" for a reason!  
I'd eventually like to just be able to update family and friends on how our family is growing and changing.
But I would also like to share more about what my life is as a mom and share things that
are close to my heart.

So here it goes.

Our oldest daughter is a princess fanatic!

She absolutely loves all the princess movies, has a Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella dress complete with
her several tiaras, princess shoes, and necklaces.
I do not see anything wrong with allowing our girls to dress up and play pretend.


However, we're seeing a trend that we do not like, and we believe it stems from watching all the Disney princess movies like Cinderella, Beauty and The Beast, Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Tangled, etc.

And we've just made a decision to take those types of movies out of our video library for a long time.  
And I'll share with you the reasons why.


She is looking up to an adult princess.

 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior..."

Titus 2:3a

Our girls are little ladies.

How do these movies line up with the example

of Godly women?

 

Joy loves to look pretty.  She loves to dance like a princess.  She loves to look at herself in the mirror, pretend to marry her prince (daddy), and pretend she's falling in love.

But she's 4.

We're noticing that it is difficult for her to understand what is acceptable for adult (or teenage, really) princesses vs. her little preschooler self.  For example, usually the days following watching a princess movie, she talks about the difference between an adult kiss and a little kid kiss.  She is fascinated by it for some reason and tries to push the envelope with the type of kisses she gives to us or her siblings.

And another example.
When dressing up, she is always looking to us to tell her how beautiful she is.  How "princess-like" she is.  How precious she looks.
I'm sure that this stuff is normal for little ones to experiment with.  But look at what she's watching!!!  She's 4 years old and sees movies with teenagers "falling in love" and wanting to marry their prince within the week!  They normally dress pretty immodestly, are always beautiful with long flowy hair, and will always kiss their prince.  How is she supposed to process these adult concepts in her head?  I believe it's so hard because she isn't SUPPOSED to have to process things like this yet!  Her example of love should come from family around her.  
Our kids see my husband and I hug, exchange kisses and goof around all the time.  
But to their understanding, we have always been together.
We are secure.
We are a solid fixture in their lives.
We can explain our love story to them, but all they see is that from the moment they were born, mom and dad have always loved each other and that's how things ARE.




We need to nurture her inner beauty.

 ^"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

1 Peter 3:4

 I don't believe this "gentle and quiet spirit"

can be found in the princesses

that girls look up to.

 

 

Joy doesn't need to have the same "self worth" that the world tells us to.
She needs to know what is most important to our Lord.  And that is her heart.  

Think about it.
What's the first thing that comes to our mind to say to a little girl when we meet them?
"How pretty you are!"  
"What a beautiful dress!"
"I love your gorgeous eyes!" 
"Wow, such a little cutie pie!"

Anything wrong with these?  Not inherently.

But what are these tiny little hearts learning???
That they need to be pretty for others?
That they need to smile pretty for others?
That they are better because they are pretty today?
That we should strive to earn complements about our OUTER appearance?

We need to address their hearts.
And the "heart" of the matter is that God cares for what is inside.
Our "inner" beauty.
NOT the counsel of the world that says how important and self-loving we should be to ourselves.
But our inner self that loves the Lord.
That puts others first.
That desires to honor and respect our parents and forgive others.
The thing that our Father finds as PRECIOUS!
 
We would like to pull our girls away from the all-important Princess persona of beauty.
We need to teach them what true beauty is in the eye of our Creator.
 

We want to be an example of humble repentance and grace.

 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

1 John 1:9 

Good vs. evil is not the same as sin vs. righteousness.

  Repentance is obviously not seen in these films because

they are void of Christ. 

 
The best way for our children to understand their own depravity and forgiveness through Christ
is showing it to them practically.
We talk to the girls all the time about repentance and forgiveness of sin, but they NEED to see
that we are in this with them!
We are sinners saved by grace and they need a Savior just as much as we do!
They must see us apologize when necessary and be the example of humility and turning from our sin to Christ.

But look at these movies!!
Young women and men break the law, disobey their parents, disrespect their parents verbally and with their actions.  Couples make it clear that regardless of what their parents approve of or think, their "love" is most important of all and gives them permission to do whatever necessary to be together.
That is directly in contradiction to what we are trying to teach them!
And there is usually no remorse!

We are working in a direction more like this:

We can tell our girls how "not nice" they are sometimes.
Or how "mean" they are when they take something away from the other.

But a better approach would be this:

Did God create you?  
Did God create your sister?
Did He make those hands of yours?
Did He form your heart?
Then how would He like you to use your hands toward the sister He made for you?
And how do you think He feels when your heart is unkind toward someone that He made and loves?
Do you think we should pray for Him to forgive you?
Would you like to try and do better and treat your sister in a way that pleases The Lord now?
Sometimes it's hard, mommy and daddy sin too.  But we always are very sorry for our sin and thank Jesus for forgiving us and allowing us to do better next time!

If they watch a show, make it a purposeful one.

 “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

1 Corinthians 10:23

Is it sinful to turn on Cinderella?

No.

But I do not see it as helpful to our little girls'

hearts and minds as they try and process what this world is all

about and who God created them to be.

 

This isn't ALL about the princess stuff.  
It's about both trying to take the ungodly, unnecessary adult-like fairy tales away and replace them with much more appropriate videos for their little eyes to watch.  
I mean, it's not like there aren't 1,001 BETTER things for them to watch!
I was the one who brought out these nostalgic movies to introduce them to anyways.
I remember watching them, wanting to be Ariel transformed into a human, Belle being captivated by magical creatures and falling in love with a beast, Jasmine in her skimpy outfit and pet tiger....
So I am to blame for subjecting her to these concepts. 
How much more productive would it be for her to watch Biblical shows?  Educational shows?  
Things we can talk about later that don't include explaining why Rapunzel was allowed to kiss Eugene with an "adult kiss"? And that don't include explaining why Ariel's top is technically a swimsuit top instead of a "bra"?  And why we don't pull our shirt down to show our bare shoulders like Jasmine? 

Our little girls are future women.  
We were once this young.
We must do our best to form their hearts to see themselves as God has created them.
Precious in His sight...yet with sin.
Which is why the Gospel is SO important in our parenting!!!!
He looks at our hearts...which is sinful!  Even theirs.  And look at the wide open door we have to tell
them of the beautiful gift of Jesus.  
There's no wondering when we'll have an "opportunity" to share the Gospel with our kids.
It's every minute of every day!

So maybe later down the road when our kids understand more about being young ladies, we'll sit and watch Little Mermaid again and sing all the songs together.  Lord knows I look forward to that! 
I don't know when that will be.  But I know that when our little girls lay in bed at night falling asleep, I don't want them day dreaming about a Prince Charming.  Their hearts are much too young for that. 
Instead, they can lay in bed and dream of the date that they get to take with their daddy.
Of a fun day ahead shopping with mom.
Of all the funny things that their baby brother did that day.
Because the time WILL come that a young man will lay heavy on one of their hearts and mind.  And when that day comes, I want her to see herself as the lady that we do.  As a daughter of our Heavenly Father that should be guarded and protected from the world's distorted view of love.  And also saved for the prince that will one day take her away from us.

Approved!

I spoke with our agent at USCIS yesterday

and she said our I600 was

APPROVED

on July 12th!!!

YAY!

For those of you who aren't working on adoption

paperwork in your spare time,

an I600 gives us

permission to bring Tobias into the States!

We already had permission to bring an "orphan"

into America, now we have permission to bring our

son specifically!!

SO, all he needs is a Passport,

his Visa,

and he's ready!

Sounds simple right???

Not quite.

It sounds so so simple in our minds as well.

Here is what the next few months will

hopefully look like.

Things can change very quickly though!

Didier will go back to Congo and

schedule a trip to Kinshasa.

He will bring Tobi to a place called

"Love Beyond Borders"

transition home.

We are now working with them to complete the adoption.

They have a home there to take care of the

children while they work on getting his

passport and visa.

They will get the passport, get an appointment for

The Embassy, then the Embassy will start what is called a 

"field investigation."

 This is where we really need to be in prayer.

They physically travel to Lubumbashi where the orphanage

is and do an investigation.

They make sure that documents and a bunch

of other stuff is correct and legitimate.

They do a group of investigations all at once

and I've HEARD that they

will be traveling to Lubumbashi in

AUGUST!!!

This. Would. Be. AWESOME.

With all the delays that we've had,

we really have stopped counting on a specific

time period.

BUT.

If they did Tobi's interviews and investigations

in August....

that would mean he'd have his visa soon after that!

SO,

please pray with us that it happens that way!

Once they are done with the investigation,

and stamp his passport with his

approved Visa...

we get to go to Africa

and pick up our son!!!!

The bittersweet part of all this is that

it looks like we will NOT be traveling

to Lubumbashi where he has lived

for over a year.

We won't get to see Didier's family and those

that have helped care for Tobi while he

was there.

We won't see the church and participate

in worship with them on Sunday.

But.

This is about Tobias right now.

And we get to meet him,

hold him,

and keep him!

It will probably also be a better situation

for our children back home.

I believe we will be able to communicate with them

more in Kinshasa.

We'll see if that's true!

So we're excited and anxious as ever to meet Tobias.

And let me share something real quick.

I think about our son's beautiful

dark skin all the time.

Ever since I was young, I have just LOVED

African American's skin!

As a young, immature teenager,

my best friend and I would always talk about how

we would one day adopt

a black child because they were so 

darn cute.

Well, we watched "42" last night.

It's the story of Jackie Robinson.

I confessed to my husband that I honestly

try to forget about the past of our country and the

other countries that treated

their people with dark skin like they were animals.

Then, when things started to change,

they would recognize African Americans as

"human",

but FAR from equal.

I was thinking about how we would one day

explain to Tobias how people that looked like

him used to be treated in such a

terrible, inhumane way.

THEN, I thought of how it must have been

for parents back then.

How do you explain to your child that

God created all of us equal,

but the majority of the world doesn't see

it that way???

Ugh.

I'm so thankful to not have lived through those days.

And I weep for those that had to.

Gosh, could Jackie Robinson's grandparents even

COMPREHEND white people

WILLINGLY adopting black children???

I'm so glad that we've made it that far

as a country.

But the CHURCH should have been there

LONG ago!

Anyway.

That's just a little of what has been on my heart.

All children, regardless of their

ethnicity or skin color,

need parents.

There are millions that need rescuing.

But I really look forward to the stares.

I look forward to people glancing twice as they see

our 3 kids with light skin,

walking with our son who stands out with

his chocolate brown face and wide white eyes.

 Every stare and every question is an

opportunity to share WHY we adopt.

Now.

If we could only get him home....

A Little Closer to Congo

So right now we have a lot going on.

We returned last week from

a week away with Chris

while he had an intensive Seminary class.

We are getting ready for VBS.

Oh, we're adopting.

We're potty training Noelle.

And I got a cold on Friday!

But all these things (except the cold)

are so rewarding!

We had a great time staying in a hotel while

Chris was in class.

I was actually surprised at how much the girls

behaved and liked it!

There was even a class on his last day

that was for the seminary wives!

It was SO refreshing to be with like-minded

ladies whose husbands are, or will be in ministry.

AND there was child care!

:)

I had angel Jackson with me, 

but the girls

got to go play.

The last few weeks we've really just been

looking forward to Didier coming though!

I hope no one thinks we put him on a high pedestal.

I don't think we do.

He's a man of God that preaches the Word,

disciples men,

takes in and cares for orphans

and does A LOT of work to get them home.

It was wonderful to allow our church family to get

a glimpse of Congo through him.

He speaks of Tobias and it makes me tear up!

It makes me feel so much closer to him, yet so far away

at the same time.

You can listen to it here.

He sang a song for us in Swahili that was about

always being ready for The Lord's return.

The people received it as we hoped they would.

We really felt such a unity,

not only for wanting Tobias home.

But I pray it is also for adoption in general.

And for Congo.

When we finally DO bring Tobi home,

we don't want to look back on the year and half or so

and think that we're all done now.

That we've all done our part and have risen to the

call to care for the orphan.

This isn't a one-time thing.

We ALWAYS care.

We ALWAYS do what we can to help.

I can't WAIT for the next person we know to adopt!

I may not be able to write a big check,

but we'll do all that we can to assist!

And I really think that this process has

instilled that in most of our church body.

It is precious to see!

SPEAKING of helping!

haha

I'll give you a little update on our financial status.

We have about $3,300 left to raise.

Give or take.

The shirts have done really well!

We only have 6 Lrg shirts left and that's IT!

If you want one let me know soon!

We're looking forward to seeing how the rest

is provided by Him.
We received a check for $500 from a very special
friend recently.
What a generous surprise that was!
We are SO undeserving!

It looks like more changes in the process are ahead for us

as well!

We'll tell you more about it when it's set in stone :)

So that's all for now,
hope to have another update very soon!

Pastor Didier!

We finally got to meet

Pastor Didier

last night!!!!

What a treat!

We went over to a sister church of ours

for their pastor's ordination service.

We didn't realize that Didier and judge Punha would be there!

We were able to talk with Didier

alot about Tobias.

It was so neat for us to learn

more about his character.

I hope I don't sound like I'm rambling,

but I want to share!

Didier started out by saying that

Tobias is a really really GOOD boy.

He doesn't get into trouble.

He's very gentle.

In fact, if he's crying because someone

else hurt him,

he won't even tell the adults

what happened because he doesn't want to

get anyone in trouble!

He's very protective.

He lives with two babies right now.

Both are under 6 months I think.

(I THINK...not positive)

He is very protective of them.

Didier said we'll be surprised at how

much he wants to protect our little ones :)

This is so cool for us because we always

loved the thought of having our oldest be a

boy,

that way he could protect all his little sisters.

Well, obviously God gave us a little girl first!

We LOVED having Joy as our firstborn and she always will be.

But now she'll have a brother very close in

age to protect her and her siblings!

Love it!

Didier repeated how good of a boy

Tobias is and told us

he knows we will really really

like him.

Not just love him, but like him.

He also repeated that we will be

surprised at his character.

Everyone at the compound notices his intelligence

and his character.

He said if they tell him to do something,

he will make sure to do it EXACTLY how he was told.

As I've mentioned before,

the process (which will probably be different for us)

involves Didier taking the children to

Kinshasa for their passports and visas.

Then they return to the orphanage

where their parents will come get them.

Well, Tobias was talking with 

Mama Angelique (sweet lady who takes care of the kids)

and said - very slowly of course,

"Mama Angelique, Papa Didier leaves, and comes back,

then he leaves, and comes back...

But I always stay right here!"

This little guy knows he's going to be leaving!

It was so precious to hear his words,

even if we can't hear his voice.

We are told that Tobias has been spending

alot of time with Didier's family,

which is what we were hoping for

considering the only other orphan

there is baby Moses.

He runs around and plays with them all day

and then sleeps in the orphanage.

Didier has a daughter that

is about the same age

so they play together alot.

Didier says he is just an extension

of his own family

and they all will miss him

so so much

when he leaves!

Man, I was trying so hard not

to tear up hearing these things about

our SON whom we have yet to meet!!!

We also really didn't expect such wonderful things!

Not that we expected this child to be a hellion,

but we have kids.

We know how manipulative a 4 year old can be

while at the same time

captivating our love!

So we know kids aren't perfect

and ONLY Tobias knows what he

has been through in the first years of his life.

So to hear what a great kid he is

is just an undeserved blessing.

We understand things will change drastically

for him when he moves home.

But he has his own personality showing now,

and I believe that's part of who a person IS

forever!

So in the midst of us talking, Judge Punha was introduced to us

and he remembered our names

as he signed our judgement just two months ago.

He doesn't speak much English, so a friend

was translating from French for us.

But he said to us,

"I want to know if you are going to love this child."

To which our response was,

"Oh my goodness, we already DO!  We've loved him since

we first saw his face!"

Then he said,
"I do not want to hear of you not wanting him

anymore when you bring him home."

We assured him that would not be the case

and we couldn't dream of that happening.

With what I've heard about in Congo...

with all the children there with NO one to take care of them,

it is so reassuring to see this person

who is in their local government,

a Believer in Christ,

and who genuinely CARES for the orphans.

He doesn't want to just match them with parents.

He wants them to be loved and cared for.

We appreciate the fact that he has concern

for our son

and wouldn't allow just anyone to take him

back to the U.S.

Phew.

That's all I can remember right now!

Our hearts just overflowed after getting this

new information.

We now feel a little closer to Congo.

And even a little closer to Tobi.